


Things You Said I Wish You Hadn't

by CeridwenofWales



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 10:25:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17826869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeridwenofWales/pseuds/CeridwenofWales
Summary: Things you said I wish you hadn’tfromThings you said prompt listI picked two lines from the first chapter ofAlpha and Omegawhen Ivar tried to reassure Moyra about Sigtrygg’s future.





	Things You Said I Wish You Hadn't

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Alpha and Omega](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12519740) by [CeridwenofWales](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeridwenofWales/pseuds/CeridwenofWales). 



 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**“I won’t marry another woman!”**

 

I remember how those words brought both relief and torment months ago. I can’t tell what terrifies me the most – the idea of Ivar losing his patience and finding someone else who won’t tremble when he is around or the notion that he is waiting for me to heal and I don’t know if I will ever be ready to offer the love and tenderness he has been longing for and that I want him to have.

 

Being aware he wants more is terrifying. Why can’t things remain how they are now? How long will he wait? Will I, one day, be able to offer him more than a polite partnership as we raise our son?

 

So many questions are disturbing my mind and while I know Ivar is trying to see and feel life from my perspective, I know it’s difficult for him to understand how paralyzing is the thought he owns me and that Sigtrygg and I depend on him for everything. He might think he is keeping us safe but relying only on his words is not a choice I would make. Although I feel like he is sincere. I don’t want to resent him for taking me away from everything I knew but I can’t avoid wondering, from time to time, how my life could have been if he hadn’t come to my village.

 

_Would I be happier?_

 

I can’t go there. I can’t allow myself to think about things that are lost. Otherwise, I won’t be able to hold onto the hope tomorrow will be better. If I allow myself to get lost in the maze of memories, I will weaken my heart. The heart that can’t bear the mere idea of Sigtrygg not existing in my life.

 

One day, Sigtrygg will be a man and what more will I be then?

 

I had asked Ivar what I was to him back then, but now I need to know what I can be without revolving around Ivar. I’m surrounded by loss – my parents, the maiden I was, the life at the farm, my freedom, my daughter. I understand we must embrace all those little deaths life is filled with, but as the leaves fall from the trees to remind us things must end for others to flourish, I know I will be reborn. Maybe I don’t want things to remain how they are after all.

 

**“What do you want to be?”**

I may not have the answer now, but I’m determined to find out.


End file.
